This is it. It is this. My life is flashing before my eyes so quickly I think I must be dying. Or living too much.
We’re getting married. We’re buying a house.
We’re getting MARRIED. We’re buying a HOUSE (well, technically a condo within a house).
We’regettingmarried. We’rebuyingahouse. We’regettingmarriedWe’rebuyingahouse. We’regettingmarriedWe’rebuyingahouse. We’regettingmarriedWe’rebuyingahouse.
Pause.
…
I have this fear of it all rushing by so quickly, I barely have time to think to grab hold of the tail end of it and hang on for dear life.
This is it. Two weeks from today will be our wedding. Can you even comprehend that phrase, “two weeks from today”? I can’t fathom it. How long is two weeks? I’ve never measured it so closely. How much longer, how much longer.
Why do I simultaneously want to slow time down and speed it up? This roller coaster ride of emotions. Of fear and elation and joy and dread and love and worry. Trying to ride the waves, to weather it all gracefully. To be like a buoy on the water. To be calm and level-headed. To be present. God, that’s all I want.
Me. White dress. Veil. Him. Tux. Rings. People. People. Aisle. Vows. Hopes, dreams. Expectations. Us. Kiss. Joy. Joy. Mazel tov! Laugh. Flash. Hug. Snap. Hand shake. Cocktail. Music. Dance. Toasts. Food. Dance. Lights. Dance. Cake. Kiss. Joy. Thank you so much for coming. Door. Street. Air. Cab. Friends. Bar. Hotel. Love. Sleep. End.
Begin.
How does it work? Be there or… close your eyes and let it all rush past? Absolutely not.
In moments of absolute terror, I think, why am I not calmer?
In moments of pure serenity, why am I not more on edge?
You should be happy. You should be frantic. You should be at ease. You should be nervous.
I just want to be me. Shelley. Getting married. Me, Shelley, two weeks before my wedding.
Who is that girl? How does she act? How does she feel? All this and oh, so much more.
…
This is it. It is this.
It does speed by but it sounds like you are taking it in more then you realize! Enjoy the next two weeks!!
You said it best when you said………
Be PRESENT! there is nothing else….enjoy the moment, shrug off the inevitable little stuff (expletive deleted!) that will happen and PLEASE…ENJOY THE MOMENT!
We , in our current hurry up and text and communicate and whatever, forget to be present sometimes. SO do this for you – be present! Treasure each moment and memory!
ANd know that in the present – and the past and the future too – you are loved!
Love,
TFM Nancy
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…I absolutely love your writing style!
Best of luck for the remaining two weeks before the big day. (Wow, it’s so close!) Enjoy all the moments leading up to it…then enjoy your special day…and then, most importantly, enjoy the rest of your lives together!
Love and hugs
Dipesh
NO I CANNOT COMPREHEND I CANNOT COMPREHEND I CANNOT COMPREHEND. And I know EXACTLY what you mean. Freaking to the max down here. And then totally calm. And then running around like a chicken with my head cut off because I have no idea how I’m supposed to be feeling and am I doing this right?
Do you remember in A Charlie Brown Christmas when Lucy is sitting by Schroeder’s piano asking him to play Jingle Bells and he goes through a couple versions before playing her the really simple, one note Jingle Bells? Do you remember her reaction? Let me use it here: THAT’S IT! Omg, that’s EXACTLY how I feel. And I have months to go. MONTHS. So you’re saying it doesn’t get any better? Well at least I kinda know what to expect now.
[...] know I can’t keep starting all my blog posts with “This is it” but you have no idea how hard it is to stay grounded in the present when [...]
I love your latest posts, babe. We’ll help each other stay in the present. I am also saying to myself lately, .. “Stop, time…don’t move on” .
Love, Dad
So well said!
I am three weeks behind the wedding, well into the house renovation that we bought (also in the middle of wedding planning), and a little over a month from the honeymoon. So, I think I will have to just re-post this post on my blog – because this is how I felt EXACTLY before the wedding.
Congratulations, again!