Sparks, confidence.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a few months, by now you likely know that I left my job in early December to go find my purpose, as detailed in this post. It wasn’t just a job that I left, it was an entire career. A career in the field I studied, something I had worked for for years. A career that was relatively lucrative, or had the potential to be at least.

All this I left for something unknown, for something I just assumed would appear. Quite literally, I leapt without a safety net. And a month in, I wish I could say it’s nothing shy of exhilarating but actually, most of the time it’s just pretty scary. And when it’s not scary, I feel a great deal of pressure, mostly self-generated, to live up to this great thing I’m supposed to be doing right now (whatever that thing may be). And when the pressure eases? Honestly?

I feel kind of guilty. For squeezing our budget nearly to the point of strangulation. For increasing my free time when so many others are looking for any kind of work at all. And all this makes it incredibly difficult to focus on the whole dream chasing business. Most of the time it’s all I can do to get the housework and the cooking done just to feel a sense of tangible accomplishment.

So you can imagine how these words from one of my favorite mama bloggers, Karen Walrond, affected me when I read them last week.

I’ve come to believe that if you’re fortunate, you’ll come to a point where you’ll be forced to take a look around and decide if you are living the life you really, truly, deep-in-your-soul want to live.

And if you’re very fortunate, you’ll notice the tiny spark inside of you that will refuse to be extinguished, that will become the inspiration to take that first, infinitesimally small step in the direction of living your most authentic life.  And you’ll know that it’s the right step because once you take it, you’ll feel more alive, and the people who truly love you will see you come alive, and will do whatever it takes to help you take the next step, and then the next one, and then the next one.

Here’s to sparks that light you up.
-Chookooloonks

Yes. Here’s to that. Here’s to everyone with the zeal and sometimes, downright insanity, to live their most authentic life. And to all those who are still working up the courage, I salute you too.

It’s one thing to go confidently into the direction of your dreams, as Thoreau encouraged us all to do. It’s quite another to know where you’re actually going. And at one of those moments of self doubt, of which there are bound to be many along this road, this was the perfect reminder of what I’m doing.

And why I’m doing it.