So this week I turn 25. A quarter century. And like many of those who have reached this point before me, I can’t help but reflect a little on who I am and where I’m at. You know, in life.
It’s not that I mind getting older. The number really doesn’t bother me, never has. Maybe I’m too young to feel bothered by my age but I’ve always felt older than I am anyways. So usually it just feels like I’m that much closer to catching up.
The one question that keeps coming up for me is, am I satisfied with where I am in my personal life and in my professional life? I recently had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. After catching each other up on our lives, one thing became blatantly obvious: they are exact opposites. Her career is soaring. She has a great job that allows her to travel the world and an understanding and supportive boss who cares about her career. But it is a job that demands her full attention and most of her time, leaving little for finding love.
Me, I’m floundering about a bit, career wise. After dramatically changing my approach to work and money last year and quitting my full-time office job (wonderful though it was), I thought I’d easily establish a flexible new schedule for myself that nurtured my passions without hurting my wallet too badly. Turns out, that’s easier said than done. (Crazy concept, right?!) While I’m enjoying my new schedule, I haven’t been doing nearly the amount of exploring of my passions that I intended. And moreover, my wallet is hurting. Loads. I can’t tell you how much I miss financially contributing in an equal way. How much I miss saving money and having a little extra pocket change for things like, getting my nails done or buying a new shirt every now and then. As much as I wanted to say, forget money! I don’t need money to be happy! Turns out, I kind of do. Because even though money can’t buy you happiness, it can buy you freedom.
On the other hand, I couldn’t feel happier or more thankful about where I am personally. I’m madly in love with my best friend, who I’m fortunate enough to call my husband. We own a beautiful house in a lovely town in a great state. We’re seriously thinking about expanding our family. We have a small but dear group of friends and endless love and support from both of our families. As jostled and confused as I feel professionally, I could not feel more secure in my personal life. And for that I am very thankful, every day. It’s what keeps me sane, what gives me hope.
This intersection though, of professional satisfaction (ie: having a meaningful occupation that you like, plus bonus points if it pays the bills) and personal fulfillment (ie: feeling loved and valued by your mate, family and friends) and how they relate to happiness is interesting to me. I know it’s possible to have it all. My husband is an example of that, he loves his job. But if all the pieces aren’t in place for you, can you still be happy? In an ideal world, yes, the scales would all be somewhat in balance. A little of both. I understand that.
But if you’re facing extremes, like my friend, like me, do you just rejoice in what you have and keep the faith that the other stuff will fall into place eventually? What do you think?
You should read ‘The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. She writes about a lot of the things you talk about here…I really liked it.
I think yes. You can rejoice in what you currently while not only keeping yourself open to possibilities but actively working to find the opportunities that you want in that other stuff. Nothing in this life worth having comes easy. I say celebrate what you do have but also look for what you want.
Always yes. Because if you don’t believe it all will fall into place eventually, what do you believe in?
My first reaction, twenty five is so young; I’m so jealous. For the record, I’m 37 and nearing mid life which is a lot scary than quarter of a century. I bet some older folks are think 37 that’s SO young. And in a few years, I’ll think so too.
When I was 25, I was single, having broken up with my girlfriend of 7 years. I moved cross country and I left my career in the sciences to do a 180 to pursue the arts. At the time all my friends in dot coms were talking about stock options and retiring early while I was back in school. So I can’t say I had personal or professional fulfillment yet life was so exhilarating. I felt unshackled by my new surroundings, the freedom of being single, and the excitement of a new career path. Through it, I always had faith that it would all turn out just fine. And it did. Maybe not the way I envisioned it, different not better or worse but I’m happy.
Along the way you’ll find out what is important to you and also what your own limitations are. At 30, I realize I probably won’t be famous or fabulously wealthy. However, I was in control of my life while it didn’t always feel that way at the time, looking back that was really important to me. The money pursuit will always be hard to walk away from especially because it is an easy measure to compare with others. The career path or rat race will always be there too. Success in your home life, I think that gets short changed by our society, we seem to only admire achievers outside of the house and not inside its walls.
In your case, you have so much going for you, great husband, great friends, and wonderful family. You have a college degree and work experience which I know will serve you well no matter what you do. Most of all, you have time.
Well, since I am a half century plus almost a decade and your mother, let me weigh in on this too. I think the main thing is to be happy with what you have TODAY and you have so beautifully articulated what those blessings are for you. And, they are indeed blessings. Enjoy where you are now without worrying or wondering what is down the road because honestly, we don’t have total control over all of the next parts of our life journey anyway. I agree with the advice offered by others i.e don’t get complacent, keep seeking your passion, don’t get lazy, remember to help those less fortunate and above all, give thanks for each and every day!