Happy 2nd anniversary to my one true love and soulmate.

Today and everyday, proud to call you my husband,
Honored to be your wife.

In London, in Great Britain, throughout the world, people are waiting excitedly for the royal wedding next Friday. It seems you can’t turn on the TV, browse the Internet, or go anywhere really without Will and Kate’s shining faces everywhere you look. Some people are getting a little tired of all the royal wedding stuff. Some people cannot wait for it to be over.

I for one am not one of them.

I’ve mentioned before my affection for London and that extends to my absolute fascination with the royal family, nurtured by afternoons spent walking through the Victoria & Albert museum and discovering Queen Victoria’s beloved family vacation home at Osborne House on the Isle of Wight. Or a magical day trip up to Windsor Castle and the gardens and Queen Mary’s Dolls’ House. Or how I knew I had an obsession when I visited the Tower of London and found myself weeping upon viewing Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation video.

I don’t know what it is. Something about the enormity and the history and the magnitude and the rituals and the perfect pomp and circumstance that surrounds British royalty just has this effect on me. So you better believe I’ll be glued to the TV next Friday for The Royal Wedding.

I wasn’t around when Diana Spencer wed Charles, Prince of Wales but from the photos and memorabilia I’ve seen, it truly was a fairytale wedding. This time around, it’s different. Kate and William will be doing as “modern” of a wedding as they can within the framework of a royal wedding. And moreover, their relationship seems different. It’s being portrayed more like two equals who truly fell in love, instead of this lucky commoner who has landed a spot at the royal table.

If you follow pop culture at all, you’ve witnessed Kate and William’s courtship for years and years now. From the outside, it really seems like they built the foundation for a lasting marriage: they took their time and are clearly great friends too. Kate has had a gradual introduction to royal life and though I’m sure the pressure and reality of it all will continue to multiply after the wedding, most people seem to feel that she will do great. She has the grace and poise of a true princess – even though she is a “commoner”!

How about you, excited for the royal wedding? Tapped out? For me, it’s far less about what will she wear and all the typical “wedding details,” much more about witnessing part of history.

For more royal weddings, look back at the last 150 years of royal weddings.

All photos borrowed from the British Monarchy Flickr PhotoStream.

The journey continues.

Then other years blow through at gale force, changing the directions of the street signs, rivers veering off into uncharted territory. Everything is changed. Not just your physical world, but you, yourself, down to your very core. This past year has been one those years for me.

I look back at where I was a year ago today. Tearing my hair out at the height of wedding planning, a week and a half from the big day. Trying to nail down the Purchase and Sale agreement on our house. Not yet a wife, not yet a homeowner.

We hadn’t yet flown in a helicopter over Kauai or leapt from a rope swing into one of her rivers.

I hadn’t left my job to go on a personal odyssey.

We hadn’t spent our first round of holidays together as a married couple.

I hadn’t found my other true love in baking.

I didn’t know what it was to decorate my own house.

We hadn’t loved and lost. We hadn’t hit the bottom. That was the big one. Seeing our first pregnancy fade away before our eyes. Hours spent huddled together on hospital chairs. Everything else was easy. Everything else was nothing, compared to this.

This blew me wide open, left me exposed. I tried to draw back into myself, into the part of my world that felt safe. But I still feel raw from it. Easily hurt, brush the surface and I’ll bleed. Yet I’m harder too, more wary. Gone is that last bit of childish confidence that everything will be alright, which I kept up until the very last moment. Now I know that sometimes? It’s not all right.

I’ve always measured my years in two ways. One turning over in January, the traditional calendar year, the other in September, the school year. And now with our wedding anniversary in September, I’m sure that will continue. Except, instead of the school year, we’ll have the marriage year.

For us, this first year of marriage is drawing to a close. It hasn’t been the easiest, no, but that’s not to say it hasn’t been wonderful at times. One year ago, I wrote about how marriage forces you to grow up. Little did I know then how true that statement would turn out to be, what I’d signed up for. Yet through it all we’ve grown closer still. World spinning around us, we grabbed hold of each others hands and dug our toes in. Together. We hung in there.

Just like we said we would.

I made him this painting using stamps I carved out of potatoes.

And this lovely plate of chewy, chocolate-y brownies.

He came home from his business trip on Friday with this lovely bouquet in hand.

Then he took me to an Italian dinner in the North End and even sat patiently though the latest cheesy love flick, Valentine’s Day. I rewarded him this morning with a homemade Valentine’s Day breakfast.

All in all a great holiday. Hope yours was too.

And very quiet.

Some days, I ignore the quiet and go full blast against the world. But other days, like today, I go along with it. And think thoughts.

And after a marginal amount of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that first Christmases together (for married couples) are not all they’re cracked up to be. (Hmm. Something tells me I come to that conclusion a lot, about many things. Why do I continue to be an optimist again?).

Too much pressure is put upon first Christmases. And I’ll admit, I bought into the hype. I mean, I wanted everything to be perfect. But I can’t tell you how many times last week we said to each other, next Christmas we’ll do this instead of that. Next Christmas will be different.

And so I’ve come to the conclusion that first Christmases together may not, indeed, be the bees knees. Second Christmases must be where it’s at.

Because. For one thing, if you got married, went on a honeymoon, and bought or are planning to buy your first house anywhere within a six month time frame of the holidays (on either end), you probably have very little expendable cash. You’re broke, basically. Maybe not broke broke, but things are probably tight. That’s one.

For another, you’re still finding your way as a married couple. Like two little foals just learning to walk. Except your legs are tied together. Old traditions are being gently shattered, new ones are coming to be. That takes time. I’m guessing that takes at least one Christmas, maybe two. Who knows, maybe the third Christmas together is where it’s at. We shall see.

There were so many things I personally wanted to do differently this year. For one, I always thought when I had my own house, we’d have a real tree. Heck, maybe two. I want to do it up right. Coordinated ornaments. A unified color scheme. I wanted to get a little Martha madness going up in here. None of these cheap gold beads I strung up this year. (I’m embarrassed I even posted that picture of our tree on my blog. (At least there were no colored lights. Oy. The horror.))

We didn’t even have a star.

I wanted to think up some fun crafty wrapping style and do all my presents like that. (Kraft paper was big this year.)

I wanted to bake gaggles of Christmas cookies and box them up for friends and family alike.

I wanted to give more. And more thoughtfully.

I wanted to decorate the whole house. I wanted lights outside. Garland everywhere. And mistletoe!

I wanted the house to smell like nutmeg and cloves for the entire month of December. (Oh no, have I gone too far? Revealed too much of my inner insanity for all things Christmas?)

But it’s true. And to all these things I found myself saying, NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Advent calendar? Next Christmas.

More time at home? Next Christmas.

Handmade Christmas cards? Next Christmas.

Which reminds me, I have some cards of my own to write today. Thank you cards. For the wedding.

Here’s hoping that’s something that happens before next Christmas.

Because you’re married. And you’re expected to be a grown up (that’s side effect number two). And grown ups are expected to be good with change. To understand that time passes and traditions evolve and that’s okay.

Yeah. And now I understand why people drink so much at the holidays.

Seriously. I never quite got that before. Things were all fine when I was a kid and we had our holiday traditions so ironclad you could rest a baby on them. We knew where we’d be when. How we’d celebrate. We even knew what we’d say. (On Christmas Day, you better be ready to answer the question, “What did Santa bring you?” because you know the adults are going to ask you that about 17 times.)

There weren’t arguments about who’s family we’d be with and when (helps when your Dad is Jewish and pretty laid back to boot and totally fine with going wherever on Christmas Eve, Day, whatever because what the hell does he care? Crazy gentiles.) There weren’t questions about whose house we’d be sleeping at and exactly when which presents should be exchanged. And between whom. And how.

But now that we’re married we have to think about all that and granted, it’s not the hardest problem in the world to have, I know. I know it could be worse. We could have families living hundreds of miles apart and then we’d have to make the choice about which family we spent a given holiday with AT ALL and wouldn’t that be a bitch. Or we could have crappy families or no families at all. I realize this.

I’m just saying, as a person who frequently gets the wind knocked out of her when anything changes at all, a person who clings to her traditions with the ferocity of a snapper turtle, a person who really likes to please everyone, especially parents and new in-laws, this is a challenge.

So pass me the eggnog. I’ve never tried it before but something tells me I’m going to need it like it.

And he’s right. I mean, when you think about it, I’m experiencing four of life’s most major moments all in the span of about three months. I mean, that’s crazy right? But for some reason, I’m not freaking out. And we all know how prone to freaking out I can be (insert shingles joke here). But I’m not. It all just feels exciting to me.

And I can’t help but think part of that excitement, part of that not-freaking-out, has to do with the fact that I’m married. It’s hard to describe how that’s so if you’re not married but trust me, it just is. So.

You know, a few months before our wedding, as we were working on our ceremony, my dear blogosphere sister, Kyla Roma, shared with me the beautiful transcript of her entire wedding ceremony that she and her husband created together. And while there were so many elements in there that I really liked, the one that especially spoke to me was this idea of marriage setting you free.

Which may seem contradictory but actually makes a whole lot of sense. We “borrowed” the idea from them and had our officiant adapt the language for our own ceremony, adding it in during our “Declaration of Consent”:

Because you will be safe in marriage, you can risk; because you have been promised a future, you can take extraordinary chances. Because you know you are loved, you can step beyond your fears; because you have been chosen, you can transcend your insecurities. You can make mistakes, knowing the other will be there to catch you. And because mistakes and risks are the very essence of change, in marriage you will expand to your fullest capacity. Within the shelter of marriage, you will continue to grow and develop, so you can discover your individual paths and offer your gifts back to each other and the world. Marriage, then, makes you free -to see, to be seen, to love. Your souls are protected, so your hearts can open.

I loved everything about this quote the moment I read it. I love how it kicks that tired old “ball and chain” phrase right directly in the butt. But I had no idea how true it would be until it happened. Until we got married and I felt those tentacles of commitment surrounding me. Not holding me down but lifting me up. Not suffocating me but giving me new life.

Some say marriage is just a piece of paper, but that’s simply  not true. The formalization of that commitment, whether it’s made in front of a justice of the peace or in front of everyone you know, brings a new depth and a new security to your relationship that could not be possible without it.

So maybe I am playing a high stakes game. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m holding a royal flush.

Like the weekend we got married and went on our honeymoon? The So You Think You Can Dance tour came to Boston AND so did Regina Spektor too. This is my luck. And of course I couldn’t complain back then because I had “more important things to do” but months have passed and it’s NaBloPoMo and damn it, I’m going to complain now.

And this weekend, par exemple, Boston Bowl is having its 50th anniversary party with 50 cent games and not that I would even really go to that but the fact that I can’t kind of makes me want to. Oh, and. And! John Krasinski, as in Jim from The Office, as in “Hi, I kind of love you,” is coming to my favorite bookstore to talk about his new movie, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, that he directed.

Yeah.

Not that I’m not terribly excited for this weekend because I am. Terribly. As I mentioned, the hubby and I are traveling down to our hometown in Maryland for an Ethiopian celebration of our wedding. A “wedding reception part deux,” if you will. And let me know you, A’s family knows how to throw a party.

There will be food, there will be dancing, there will be family, there will be more food. (I’m really looking forward to the food, if you couldn’t tell.)

But also, for the first time we’ll be in our hometown as a married couple and the significance of that isn’t lost on me. This is where we met. This is where we fell in love. And as tiresome as figuring out things like where will we sleep can be (“his” house? “my” house?), it only reminds me that I have a person now. I have someone that will sleep next to me, every night.

You know, just before and just after the wedding, getting married didn’t feel any different. The wedding was simply, in my mind, a celebration of our love, but it didn’t change anything. But now that some time has passed and especially with this trip home, I’m realizing that something has changed. It does feel different. It feels… warm. All-encompassing. It feels wonderful.

So I am, really, looking forward to this weekend. I just wish Jim (John) could re-schedule.